Mittwoch, Dezember 07, 2005

Your Data is at Risk!

I like that 5-step-plan to guarantee integrity of data:

  • Prohibit staff use of iPods, USB memory sticks, floppy disks, CDs, pencils, pens, paper, telephones of any description and signalling devices including flags and morse-code lamps.
  • Restrict staff access to computers, preferably completely. Ideally, remove your company's entire IT infrastucture and seal the servers in concrete-filled oildrums and dump them into the Atlantic.
  • Put all hard copies of every document in your organisation through the shredder. Then burn the remains.
  • Restrict numbers of staff who have access to mission-critical data by sacking the lot of 'em. Outsource their jobs to a callcentre in Bangalore and use the savings to buy more shredders or have your servers dumped further out into the Atlantic.
  • Above all - don't panic. Despite recent scare stories in the press, security experts confirm that a healthy 11 per cent of all confidential data will not be stolen this year and offered on the Internet to the highest bidder.
:-)

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